When Henry died, one of my first thoughts was that he was alone.  I pictured him dying by himself without anyone there.  I pictured his soul leaving his body and his transition from this world to the next all by himself.  I wouldn’t let him out of the house by himself.  How could he meet God alone?  How could he find his way?  Who would look out for him?  I know it sounds silly.  But you don’t stop being a parent when your baby dies.  You don’t stop thinking about him or worrying about him.  I wasn’t the only one thinking along that line.  In one of my early conversations with my dad, he said, “Josh, I have to have faith that the God of the universe, the same one who came to Earth as a vulnerable baby, will guide unaccompanied little boys across the divide and into the next life.”

A few weeks ago, I received an email from a woman I have never met.  She lives in the same town where Henry died.  She tracked me down to give me a message.  Her note was further confirmation to me that nothing happens outside of God’s knowledge.  Here is her message.

“I am so sorry about your baby. I cannot imagine the horrible pain you and your family are feeling. My father passed away the same day August 3 at 5:00 p.m. (Henry’s official time of death was August 3 at 4:30 p.m.). During my father’s illness he became very sick a couple of times. During one of these occasions he left us for a time and then came back telling us about going to Heaven. Oh my goodness the stories he told about the beauty of heaven and the things he saw but he said his mother told him “you can go back this time but next time you have to stay.” We asked him why and he said “because I was not ready to leave my family and because I have to wait for that little boy.” Several times toward the end he would say, “I have to wait for that little boy.” The day [the funeral director] came to pick him up she apologized for running behind.  She said that she had received a call to come and pick up a baby boy at the same time as Daddy. My sister and I just looked at each other.

My Daddy was a kind, gentle, loving man of God who adored his Grandbabies and Great Grandbabies. If a little one was around you could bet Daddy was holding them or entertaining them. I feel sure that Daddy waited for Henry and I want you to know that Henry is in very good hands. Daddy will love him like he was his. Daddy was/is such a prayer warrior and I know he is praying for your peace of mind and comfort. I pray for you, Sarah, Daddy and Sweet Henry everyday.  I know God chose to connect all of you for some reason and we will know in his timing.”

What does this mean?  I don’t know.  I am a lawyer.  I look for evidence and holes in arguments.  I tend to be skeptical and not easily swayed.  God is showing me that there is a whole world that I don’t understand.  His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts.  He is at work even when I can’t see the whole picture.  I don’t have to understand.  God does.  My wisdom is foolishness to Him.