Three years ago today I was standing with my family at Gullfoss waterfall in Iceland. It was a perfect day on the longest day of the year in the land of the midnight sun. I held Henry on my back and squeezed his chubby legs. A huge rainbow formed in the mist and arced across the falls. It felt like God was personally reminding me of his presence. It was a perfect moment that will stand out in my memory as long as I live. 

Just a little over a month later, Henry was dead, suddenly and unexpectedly. It felt like all the light and rainbows had gone out of my world and would never return. During that dark time one night shortly after Henry’s death, I sat outside in a field holding Sarah’s hand and looking up at the sky as we talked about our loss.

“Dear God,” I prayed out loud. “Please show me that you are still here. Show me that you haven’t forgotten us. I want to know you are here. Please show me a sign.” As soon as the prayer left my lips, a huge shooting star slowly streaked across the night sky in a similar arc to the one I had seen in the rainbow at Gullfoss falls a month earlier. 

“I think we will be okay,” I said. “I don’t understand this but I think God is still here.”

When I see this picture it’s hard to remember who that person was standing at the waterfall on the longest day of the year. I’m not sure I would recognize him if I saw him. But I know that the things I saw in the light are still true in the darkness and the same God who gives waterfalls also gives shooting stars. Both beauty and pain come from his hand but his love never changes. 

Tonight I held a different baby’s hand on the longest day of the year. I held her hand and watched her sleep as she cuddled up to a puppy that belonged to her brother. I felt thankful for such blessings and thankful for a broken heart. I feel thankful for a God who always walks with us even when we can’t see it and don’t know the way.