When you meet people, how do you introduce yourself?  What do you tell them?  Do you talk about your job?  A trip you recently took?  A book you recently read?  Do you discuss politics?  Art?  Music?  How your favorite sports team is doing?  If you are like me, no doubt you want to highlight your strengths and value and minimize your frailties.  None of us wants to admit we are scared or weak or broken.  We put on our game face.

Not long ago, I was in a meeting with lawyers, engineers, and business people.  This was not unusual, because I am with lawyers and business people all the time.  In this particular meeting, we were negotiating big issues with important legal and financial implications.  As I sat down at the table that morning, the lawyer across the table asked about my family.  I told her that my wife was home schooling the kids this year and talked about how excited we were about all the things the kids were learning.  When I asked her about her children, she told me that her one and only son was in nursery school and would soon be two years old.  Then, in passing, she said that he was actually her second child; her first son was born stillborn.  She said she never knows how to answer a question about her children.  I knew exactly what she meant.

Later in the day while we were reconvening after a break, I told the other lawyer how sorry I was that she had lost a child.  I told her that I too had lost a child.

“I’m so sorry to hear about your son.”  I said.  “Two years ago, we lost our youngest son Henry.  He was almost two years old.  He was in the US for a visit with our family and one day while he was taking a nap, he found a plastic bag outside of his crib, got it over his head, and suffocated.  My wife found him dead in the crib.”

As I told this other lawyer about my loss, I started crying, and then sobbing.  I felt pretty lousy and was embarrassed to reveal my brokenness and to let strangers into my inner-most struggle.  Crying and getting red faced with opposing counsel is not on the list of most effective argument techniques.  As I started crying, she started crying.  Everyone else just stared, speechless.

Then, all of the sudden, one of the business people on the other side, shocked me.

“Josh” he said, “My entire family was killed by a drunk driver in a car accident.  My wife, and my children, ages 3 and 1 were all killed in an instant.  I found out when a policeman showed up at my door and told me I had to go to the hospital.”  I have known this man for awhile now and I never would have guessed his story.

He proceeded to tell a gut-wrenching story of loss, pain, and brokenness.  Before long, all of us were crying as we shared stories of our loss and how it had changed us.  As we talked, something magical happened.  We stopped being opposing parties – lawyers, engineers, and business people, and we just became people – people who had suffered and who had also found beauty in the midst of that suffering.  A bond grew in that room and enveloped all of us.  It was unexpected and jarring.  It was also one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced.

That day in that conference room has made me wonder, what if we lived out our brokenness openly and without shame?  What if we took off our masks of self-sufficiency and completeness and let people see us for who we really are?  What if we deliberately chose the path of brokenness over the path of pretense?

The world tells us, “I’m okay – You’re okay.”  But that’s not true. None of us are okay.  All of us are hiding scars and bruises, failures and regrets.  We don’t want people to see that side of us for fear of what they would think.  But what if we took off the mask?  Would it drive people away, or rather make it okay for others to also admit that they too are broken?

One of the things I have fallen in love with about Jesus, is that his life and death were the ultimate acknowledgment that we are broken and not okay as we are, and that God knows that and loves us anyway.  The Bible says that God made him who knew no sin to become sin for us so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.  It also says that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  The central theme of the gospel is that we are not okay.  We are broken and screwed up.   But that does not surprise God.  In fact, he knew even before we were born, just what huge screw-ups we would be.  He didn’t wait for us to get our acts together.  In fact, he knew we would never be able to get it together.  He knew we would be broken and crushed, and would not be able to live up to His standard.   He knew we could never make it on our own.  Instead of sitting in judgment, he came to earth and lived among us in our squalor, brokenness, sin, and pain, and took our failures on himself.

Maybe we don’t need to be perfect.  Maybe it is not our failures that drive people away, but rather our pretend perfection.  Maybe if we owned our brokenness, it would make it okay for others to own theirs as well.  I’m not okay and you’re not okay.  And Jesus’ sacrifice makes that’s okay.