We approached August 3, 2017, with trepidation.  It would mark the one year anniversary of Henry’s death.  For weeks, we have been wrestling with how best to commemorate it.

A year ago on August 3, 2016, Sarah was sitting in a hospital holding her baby and singing “you are my sunshine, my only sunshine.”  She was saying goodbye to that baby who had just died.

This year on August 3, 2017, she was singing the same song to a different baby.

Mary Grace White, was born on Thursday, August 3, 2017, at 3:41 p.m. local time.  This past year has been the worst year of our lives in so many ways.  It is has been filled with pain and we have been weak.  But through that pain, we have been reminded that God is faithful and strong, even when we are weak.  God’s love and grace never end. 

In 2 Corinthians 2:9, the Apostle Paul wrote, “But he said to me, ‘my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'” Even though this has been a year of weakness for our family, this year on August 3, 2017, God reminded us of his power.

Last year on August 3, there was a deep ocean of grief in front of me that I thought might make me sink.  This year on August 3, the joy is so great, I think my feet may never touch the ground.

Throughout the year I have been comforted by a verse that is so fitting now.  “Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5

This was a miracle.  I can’t describe it any other way.  We never could have planned this.  In fact, it happened despite our plans.  Let me provide a little background to explain how much this happened outside of our control.

Within the same month of Henry’s death, Sarah and I asked each other whether we should try to have another baby, and decided that we should.  There is nothing you can do to take away the bad but you can add good, and we decided that having a new baby in our family would add good.

Sarah has never had difficulty getting pregnant.  But this time, it wasn’t easy.  We had planned all of her previous pregnancies so that she would be done having babies by 35.  We had waited to have children until we felt stable enough in our marriage and financially ready.  We timed everything out so that we could do it all “right.”  We banked stem cells from umbilical cord blood for all three children.  We prepaid college tuition before they were in grade school.  We made sure that they always wore their seat belts and sat in car seats.  They each took Infant Swim Resource classes so that they would be safe around the water.  We planned it all so that everything would be okay.  And Henry died anyway.  There we were, with Sarah at 38, trying to get pregnant, and contrary to our prior easy experiences, she couldn’t.  We resigned ourselves to the likelihood that she might not get pregnant.  Our family would now have two living children in it.

By December, Sarah knew she was pregnant.  At her first OB appointment, the doctor estimated that the date of conception was around November 17th – Henry’s birthday.  This put her due date on August 8.  I kept feeling that this new baby would be born on August 3, but I didn’t dare tell anyone else.  It was just a secret hope.

As Sarah’s pregnancy progressed we had the usual worries.  Towards the end of her pregnancy we were especially frustrated that the doctors refused to induce her.  All of our previous children were born after planned and carefully scheduled inductions.  This time, however, the doctors wouldn’t even discuss induction.  At an appointment at the end of July, the doctor scheduled what we hoped would be Sarah’s last prenatal appointment for August 2.  Before we could leave the doctor’s office, she stopped us.  “Wait, I can’t see you on August 2.  I’m working in another clinic that day.  Let’s schedule your next appointment for August 3 instead.”

Sarah and I looked at each other as we walked out of the office.  “I guess that’s one way to spend August 3.”  Sarah said.

On August 3, when we went into the doctor’s office for the 10:00 a.m. appointment, the doctor checked Sarah and said, “You are in labor.  We need to send you to the hospital now.”  We checked into the hospital shortly after 10:00.  Mary Grace was born at 3:41 p.m. local time.  Later in the day, as we reflected on the previous year, Sarah remembered the importance of the time.  “It was around 3:41 last year on August 3, that I was calling 911 after finding Henry dead in his crib.”

I am left speechless at God’s grace, love, and power.  I am reminded again that “‘my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways,’ declares the Lord.”  Isaiah 55:8   The Lord has given, the Lord has taken away, and the Lord has given again.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.