“It’s so unfair!”  I have heard this sentiment frequently from people as we talk about my life right now.  I feel it too.  Lots of things currently feel so unfair.  Sometimes it feels like I am swimming solo in the pool of unfairness and everyone else is watching from their comfortable deck chairs.  I want to be strong and move forward.  I would like to think that I can handle it and focus instead on what God is teaching me, but . . . “God, it’s so unfair!!!”

It’s a familiar feeling we all experience.  It doesn’t require a death or terminal illness to feel like things are unfair.  There are so many situations that start us feeling like things are unfair – friends who reject us, job losses, a cruel boss, an unfair work situation, family members who refuse to accept us, sabotage from others, people who spread gossip about us, spouses and significant others who know just how to hurt us – there are so many ways to feel betrayed, to feel like you have gotten the short end of the stick.  When others hurt us, the natural inclination is to get revenge.  When someone wrongs us our immediate response is to wrong them back.  Letting someone wrong us feels . . . wrong.  It feels so unfair.

I was having a meal with friends recently and as I looked around the table, I noticed something interesting.  One man had lived in war torn Angola for years.  One man grew up in Robert Mugabe’s Zimbabwe.  One man grew up in apartheid South Africa.  One man grew up in Lebanon and had to flee during the civil war, and one man was from Belfast and lived there during the height of the Troubles.

I have reflected on that meal for a while and the thing that stands out to me is the common thread underlying the places of conflict where each of them had lived.  While vastly different, all of their torn lands suffered from the same malady common to humanity everywhere throughout time – an inability to forgive.  Terrible things happened in each of those places.  Terrible things that required a response.  And in true human form, in each of these places, the response was predictable – to get even.  The tragedies from these broken lands involved collective failures of forgiveness on a massive scale.  I can’t blame anyone.  I would do the same thing.

“This is unfair.”  “I don’t deserve this.”  “I’ll show him.”  “I’ll get even with her.”  “She can’t do that to me.”  “He can’t get away with that.”  The unfairness of it all plays on us.  We just have to retaliate.

In Luke 6:27-36, Jesus talks about how we are to treat our enemies.

But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them.  Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.  Do to others as you would have them do to you.

If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them.  And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that.  And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full.  But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.  Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

What a revolutionary teaching.  How impossible!  Why God, would you demand something like this?  It just feels so unfair!  Why should we forgive people who have wronged us?  Why should we show mercy when others have failed to show mercy to us?

In Matthew 18:21 in the parable of the unmerciful servant, Jesus explains it from God’s perspective.  A king wants to settle his accounts with his servants.  One of his servants owes the king an enormous debt.  When he can’t repay the debt, the king orders that the servant be sold along with his wife and children to repay the debt.  The servant begs for mercy and the king has compassion on the servant and shows him mercy.  He cancels the debt and lets the servant go.  However, soon after, the servant sees a fellow servant who owes him a small inconsequential amount.  The servant grabs the other man and begins to choke him demanding “Pay back what you owe me!”  The fellow servant falls to his knees and also begs, but the first servant refuses to show mercy and has the man thrown into prison until he can repay the debt.  When the king finds out about the lack of forgiveness shown by the servant he is enraged and has him thrown into prison until he can repay all that he owes.

As Easter approaches, we celebrate the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus.  I was recently reading the story of the arrest, trial and crucifixion of Jesus starting in Matthew chapter 26.  The thing that struck me more than anything is the sheer unfairness of the situation.  Jesus has done nothing wrong.  He has shown love to the unlovely, healed the sick, raised children from the dead, and yet the religious leaders and the people treat him so unfairly.  One of his own betrays him, everyone else deserts him, and one of his closest friends and disciples denies even knowing him.  The soldiers strip him of his clothes and mock him.  They spit on him and beat and torture him.  They humiliate him, and then when they are done having fun with him, they nail him to a cross where the criminals being crucified hurl insults along with the passersby.

“It’s unfair!”  I want to scream as I read.  “Jesus, make them stop! You don’t deserve this!  Why don’t you stop this?  Call down angels.  Call down fire.  Strike them with blindess and leprosy.  Do something!”

And then I am reminded that he is doing something.  He is taking the punishment for my sin.  He is taking on the failures and depravity and death of humanity and shouldering it himself and even as he does it, he asks for forgiveness for the people who have crucified him.

That’s the thing.  Jesus doesn’t ask anything of us that he himself has not given.  In the story of the unforgiving servant, Jesus gives us a glimpse of how God’s command to love our enemies and forgive those who have wronged us looks from God’s perspective.  God has forgiven us so great a debt that in comparison, the wrongs and grievances we forgive others are small and inconsequential.  Jesus understands our pain because he himself has experienced suffering, rejection, lies, abandonment, and death.  When he tells us to love our enemies and to pray for those who mistreat us, he knows first-hand what that means.

I complain and complain about life being unfair only for God to remind me that it’s a good thing that life is unfair.  I wouldn’t want what I deserve.  Thank you God that life is unfair and that you treat us unfairly.  Thank you that you have not given us what we deserve.  Thank you God for your unearned and undeserved love.  Thank you for your unfairness.